Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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