Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The ass gains better be worth it
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