...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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