either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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