I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We are all done wearing pants today
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
