Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
