Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
