You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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