mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
