i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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