I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
