Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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