after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize