Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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