I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
