I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
