So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
