Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
