I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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