Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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