if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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