the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
