Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
