I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
