1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
