found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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