Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
