I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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