Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
