Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
