when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
