No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
