you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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