just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
