I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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