I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
