You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
