My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize