my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
