Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
