Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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