I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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