Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
