Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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