I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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