Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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