Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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