I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
