It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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