the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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