I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
