yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think my vagina is haunted
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
