So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This house was built for laser tag.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
