After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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