Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
