The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
