There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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