Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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