I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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