wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
